


No longer nightmares

by lilucath



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3430211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilucath/pseuds/lilucath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had just reached the edge of the forest when a sharp pain shot though her leg, forcing her to stop running. She limped behind a tree and looked down at her leg. Her pants were already soaked in blood which was pouring out of a wound above her knee. “Shit!” Somebody stopped next to her. (Clarke x Lexa)</p>
            </blockquote>





	No longer nightmares

Screams and the sound of metal clashing against metal reached Clarke's ear. The clearing in front of the entrance to the mines was a battlefield. Her breath was coming fast and shallow as she looked around. They had gotten word from Bellamy that he turned down the acid fog and managed to free the grounders in the cages inside Mount Weather. All they were waiting for was the signal to attack. Lexa had ordered her army towards the entrance of the mine, but ever since they reached the clearing a seemingly never ending stream of reapers had started to pour out of the entrance. There were more than they had expected. The mechanics of the Ark had done their best to build enough tone generators but the needed parts had run out long before the required amount was reached.

Clarke held her gun in a tight grip. Being almost out of ammo and with only one knife left in her belt she felt anxious. The other two knives had found their way into the bodies of two now dead reapers. Beside her, Octavia was going through the attackers like a tornado leaving behind a trail of bodies. Lincoln wasn't far behind her.

She heard Lexa and Indra yelling their commands to their warriors.

Just when it looked like they had the winning hand, yellow fog started to slowly arise from the ground.

“I thought he turned the acid fog off.” Octavia's scream echoed over the clearing.

“Where is this coming from?” People were starting to panic.

“Run. Back into the woods. Everybody run.” Lexa was yelling commands as men in green suits equipped with gas-masks and machine guns stepped out of the entrance of the mine. Walking through the yellow fog, they started to fire blindly into the fleeing grounders.

Clarke wasn't looking where she was going. She was just running away from the fog and the guns.

She had just reached the edge of the forest when a sharp pain shot though her leg, forcing her to stop running. She limped behind a tree and looked down at her leg. Her pants were already soaked in blood which was pouring out of a wound above her knee.

“Shit!”

Somebody stopped next to her.

“Clarke. We need to run.” Lexa's arm slipped around her hips and pulled her into a more upright position.

They started to move again, Clarke rather hopping than running. How Lexa managed to hold her up was a mystery to Clarke.

Behind them the fog was getting closer and closer and she realized that they would never reach safe ground with her one leg injured.

“Lexa. Leave me. You need to get out of here.”

The other girl didn't answer, instead she stopped them on a small hill, let go of her waist and reached for something in the ground. Her hand soon found was she was looking for and she opened a door belonging to an old car which had become part of the hill over the years.

“Get in.”

Clarke climbed into the car as fast as she could and was followed by the commander. The moment she closed the door, they could see the fog roll over them through the dirty car window.

“Sit down.”

Lexa's voice sounded hollow in the small space.

Clarke did as told and sat down. Her leg hurt like hell and there was still blood pouring out of the wound. The other girl knelt down next to her, watching Clarke as she observed her wound.

“Through and through. No major artery hit. I'll live.”

“The bleeding needs to be stopped.” Lexa pulled her armor over her head and threw it into the back of the car. She ripped off a part of her cloak and wrapped it around Clarke's leg with careful but steady movements. Afterwards she settled down facing Clarke.

“Bellamy said the acid fog was down. What happened?” The usually emotionless face of the commander was now filled anger and rage, and her fists were balled.

“I don't know. Something must have happened.” Clarke felt the worry about Bellamy crawl into her mind, but there was something else. She felt ashamed because she hadn't thought about him before.

Silence fell over the girls. Clarke stared at her hurting leg as the pain kept intensifying. She felt her heartbeat throbbing in the wound, which wasn't a good sign. The wound was worse then she'd let Lexa believe.

Clarke watched the other girl out of the corner of her eye who was looking through the window waiting for a sign that the fog attack was over.

The only sound around them was their breath as they waited. Clarke could feel the exhaustion creep into her bones and she had to close her eyes for a moment. She lost track of time and shrugged as Lexa's voice ripped her out of her trance.

“The fog is down. We should get back. Can you walk?”

Her leg hurt like hell but she wasn't going to show weakness in front of the commander.

“Of course. Let's go. We've got a war to win.”

She managed to get on her feet, but as soon as she did her head started to spin and everything in front of her eyes went black. The last thing she noticed before her legs gave out was a pair of strong arms keeping her from falling to the ground.

 

As she regained consciousness she had trouble remembering where she was. Cramped in a dark hole, a dirty window above her head allowing her a view on trees and their shadows dancing in the light of the setting sun.

“What.. What happened?” Just then she realized that her head was laying on someones lap. “Lexa?”

A small smile tainted with what Clarke believed was worry appeared on the brunette's face. “Darkness fell over you.”

“Why didn't you go back?” Her face was twisted with pain as she sat up.

“Indra knows my commands. She knows what to do when I am absent. I will return as soon as I can, but couldn't just leave you here. Our war isn't won. Your.. fight is not over yet.”

Clarke didn't know what to reply so she stared out the window, watching the last bit of daylight disappear. The inside of the car was now pitch black but after a while her eyes started to get used to the dark and she could make out the other girl's silhouette.

“We have to wait for the sun to rise again to leave. The forest is not safe after sundown. Not for somebody who can't walk at least.” The commander took off her knives and sword and placed them to her side. Accessible at any moment when she might needed them.

The cold was already creeping into the small space, but it was impossible to build a fire.

“We should try to get some sleep. The next day will hopefully mark the successful end of a war. We need our strength.” Lexa lied down and with one last look through the glass above her head Clarke followed her example. With her eyes closed the pictures she tried so hard to forget started to flow into her head. The dead bodies of the reapers all around her, in between dead grounders and people from the Ark which had given their life fighting the Mountain-men. The cold had now slipped into her clothes, making her shiver.

“None of us will be able to sleep, if you keep shaking like this,” Lexa stated dryly and she could feel movement next to her. “Come here.”

Clarke could feel Lexa's body come closer and understood what the grounder was doing. She shifted her body weight on her healthy leg and turned herself onto her side, her back now facing the brunette. A strong arm was wrapped around her and Lexa closed the distance between their bodies. Clarke immediately felt the warmth of Lexa's body slip through her clothes. As she closed her eyes again she feared that the memories of Finn which had haunted her for all the nights every since his death would come back. But instead she was greeted by peaceful nothingness. She could feel the movement of Lexa's chest against her back and sleep overtook her senses as she listened to the slow breaths of the girl behind her.

 

_The metal felt cold against her arm and yet it seemed to burn her skin with every step she took towards the boy in front of her._

_“Thanks, princess.” She felt how Finn's head fell on her shoulder. Her tears turned the torches of the surrounding grounders into a blurry ocean of light._

_“Clarke!” She could feel the warm blood run down her hand. Ravens scream pierced her ear and tore her soul apart. It was exhausting to remain standing when all she wanted was to fall to the ground and give up._

_“Clarke!” A voice which sounded like it was coming from nowhere and everywhere at once reached her ears and the people around her disappeared as she was sucked into a dark vortex of spinning colors._

“Clarke!” She ripped her eyes open and found herself face to face with Lexa. The grounder was hovering over her and had a worried expression on her face. “You had night terrors and were lashing out.”

“I.. I'm sorry. Nightmare.” The last images of her dream were still haunting her and she had to sit up to shake them off. The touch of Lexa's hand on her back finally brought her back into reality and helped her breathe again.

“What were you dreaming about?” Lexa's face showed real concern, reassuring Clarke that she could open up the girl.

“Finn.” She had trouble swallowing. ”I know... I know love is weakness. And you already said that I had to live with what I've done. No need to tell me again.”

For a while, Lexa was silent and looked as if she was searching for a thought she couldn't quite catch.

“I dream about her too sometimes. Costia.” The commander stopped and seemed to struggle to find her next words. ”She was mine. He was yours. Dreams are a place where we should be allowed to be weak, where nobody sees our weaknesses. But that's what they should be, dreams not night terrors. And I said that love is weakness, but maybe the fear of losing love is what makes us weak. It affects our decisions and that's weakness.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa pulled her hand off her back and Clarke missed the contact instantly.

“After Costia was taken from me, Anya had great struggles to find me again. But the thought of what Costia would say if she saw me this weak, mourning her death, that's what made me stronger than before. The thought of what she would say. I think I kind of forgot what letting me have these feelings made me. What you said reminded me of how strong I once felt as Costia was mine. And how strong I became after I realized that her spirit was still watching over me. Death is not the end. Maybe love is not weakness. Maybe letting love become your weakness is. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.. I think you mean that if you let love become the thing that could destroy you once you loose it. If you let it influence your decisions. That's weakness. But love itself is not. Is that what you meant?”

“Yes. I think that's what I meant.“ Lexas lips curled into that little smile that started and stopped in the left corner of her mouth, but managed to light up her whole face. Clarke felt a warm feeling grow in her stomach.

Her eyelids started to drop as a wave of tiredness hit her. “We should try and get some more rest.”

The brunette laid back down first and made a gesture for Clarke to get back into her arms.

She took a deep breath and returned into Lexa's warm arms.

 

The next day Clarke woke with warm rays of sunshine shining through the glass above her head and onto her face. As she tried to move she felt that Lexa's arm was still around her waist and that the grounder's head was resting on her shoulder. Carefully, she turned her head towards the girl, trying not to wake her. Lexa looked peaceful, a look that she had never seen on her face before. But seeing the girl next to her so relaxed and at peace made her happy. Her eyes wandered over Lexa's face, studying every inch, wondering if she'd ever get the chance to be this close to the other girl again. The grounder's lips particularly drew her attention.

“Would you please stop staring at me?”

The voice of the grounder made Clarke jump in her skin.

“I.. I wasn't staring.” She could feel herself blush, but she didn't dare to move out of the commander's embrace. A big part of her liked to be this close.

Lexa opened her eyes and moved her head so she could look into the blonde's eyes. Her arm stayed wrapped around Clarke. Now fully awake, Lexa still looked more relaxed than Clarke had ever seen her. It was as if the burden of ruling over thousands of people and of being responsible for them had been lifted off the brunettes' shoulders, and for the first time Clarke believed she could see the person underneath: a girl just as vulnerable and scared as she was.

The girls just lay there looking at each other for a few moments, but the sound of hooves and voices ripped them out of their trance.

“Stay here.” In one movement Lexa sat up, grabbed her knife, opened the car door and climbed out of the small space.

Clarke sat up and tried to listen to what was happening outside.

“Heda.”

Indra's voice reached her ears and she relaxed, knowing that Lexa wasn't in danger. She heard the commander answer Indra in their language and turned her attention towards her wounded leg. It had started to bleed sometime during the night which had resulted in a few big blood stains on the ground. The throbbing in her leg had become worse and she knew that if her leg didn't get medical attention soon, the risk of loosing the leg or worse was high.

She was startled as Lexa jumped back into the car.

“Those are my men. They managed to take Mount Weather yesterday. I have to go there now. One of my men is going to take you back to camp.”

Clarke wanted to disagree but Lexa stopped her.

“No, your leg needs a healer.” The grounder had put her armor back on and her sword on her back. She offered Clarke a hand which she gladly accepted. She slowly managed to get up, but as she tried to put weight on her leg, the pain resulted in her seeing stars and loosing her balance, and if Lexa hadn't been here to catch her she would have fallen to the ground.

The brunette yelled a command which Clarke didn't understand and a pair of strong hands appeared over their heads as they reached through the door. Clarke managed to climb out of the car with the grounder's help. As Lexa had a hold of her again after she climbed out after her, the grounder let go of her and went to get his horse.

Lexa's voice was low and quiet, so that only Clarke could understand her. “I know you want to come with us, but I promise no innocent will die today.”

Standing made Clarke weak and she could barely nod.

The grounder reached the girls and with Lexa's help Clarke managed to climb onto the horse behind the guard. She wrapped her arm around him to keep herself from falling off. The horse started to gallop into the woods as he gave it the command to run. Clarke looked back and saw Lexa climbing onto Indra's horse and ride off into the opposite direction.

The trees around them had started to become out of focus and she had a hard time staying conscious, but she knew that once she fainted she would fall off the horse and she wasn't sure if the grounder would pick her up again.

With her last strength she tried to keep her grip as strong as possible. She could feel that her leg had started to bleed again. And warm fluid was running down her leg.

She didn't know how long she had stayed like this, but suddenly the horse stopped and people were helping her down.

Commands reached her ears but she didn't understand any of them. A pair of strong arms picked her up and carried her inside a tent and she saw her mother rushing towards her.

“What happened?”

“Put her down here.”

The darkness was now pulling hard on her senses and the pain in her leg mushed her eye sight. The last thing she remembered before she lost consciousness was a face with piercing green eyes.

“Lexa,” she breathed before everything went black.

 

She felt cold and everything around her was dark. In between the overpowering cold she could make out a few things but she was never able to hold on to them; Her mother hovering over; Raven with tears on her cheeks and her hand in her hair, slowly stroking strands of hair behind her ear; Octavia's voice and her warm hand in her own; Bellamy's face, his eyes reddened, his shaking head in disbelieve. Every time she tried to hold on to the images the pain overcame her senses and she found herself alone in the darkness again.

The first time she managed to escape the cold she found herself in a tent lighted with a single torch. Every part of her body hurt. As she tried to move she noticed a weight on the left site of the bed. Very slowly, she was able to turn her head, but as she recognized who was with her all the pain seemed to disappear for a moment. It was Lexa. The grounder had fallen asleep with her head resting on her arms, yet one hand holding Clarke's. She felt her senses were slipping again so she gathered all her strength and managed to intertwine their fingers, so that Lexa would know she had been awake.

The next time she woke light was shining through the door of the tent, fuzz dancing in the sunbeams. Octavia was sitting on the chair next to her bed.

“Oh thank god, you're awake,” she breathed out and the relief in her voice was clearly noticeable. “Hi... You had us all worried sick.”

“How.. How long was I out?” Carefully she pushed herself into an upright position.

“Three days. After the grounder got you here, your leg started to bleed out. Your mom says it's a miracle you survived.” Octavia's lips turned into a warm smile. “Good thing you didn't though. We still need you here.”

“Mount Weather?”

“Oh, right. We managed to take it after the acid fog attack. Apparently it was just a last resort thing. The fog disappeared after like two minutes. The reapers had disappeared into the woods though and the few men in the gas-masks were easily handled. When we got inside, Bellamy and the grounders from the cages had already done most of the job. The leader of the Mountain men is dead. The young one at least. The old one claims to have nothing to do with taking people prisoner and using their blood and all that. Most of the people in Mount Weather are still alive, Bell and Kane made sure they are just locked away until.. well until we find a solution. That's part of the reason why we need you to be alive. The commander is pretty indecisive. Most of the grounders want to see them dead, but.. the commander wanted to hear your opinion. What ever happened the night you two were missing must have changed her mind about you, Clarke. Before she listened to you, but now... She stayed here every night.“ Octavia seemed to remember something. “Damn. Your mom told me to get her as soon as you woke up.”

With a few fast steps Octavia had exited the tent and left Clarke alone with her thoughts. The memory of Lexa asleep next to her holding her hand found its way back into her mind and she couldn't help but smile. Lexa had spend every night by her side.

“Clarke!”

The sound of her mother's voice broke her train of thoughts.

“Mom.”

Abby took her daughter into a firm hug. “I'm so glad that you're awake, and with color in your cheeks again. Let me check your wound for a second.”

As she lifted the blanket, Clarke saw that her leg was wrapped in a white bandage. Slowly Abby removed the bandage revealing a round wound above Clarke's knee.

“This is going to make a beautiful scar.”

“Good thing you can already joke about it.” After a last look the woman started to re-bandage her leg. “It started to heal very nicely. You should be able to get up in a few days. Oh and Raven and Bellamy are waiting outside, desperately waiting for you to wake up. Do you want me to send them away so you can rest or do you feel strong enough to face the two?”

“I've had enough rest. Please send them in.”

“I also will give word to the commander. She wants your input in a few matters.”

Clarke nodded and mumbled in approval. The mention of the brunette had thrown her off her train of thoughts. Her mother left the tent after cupping her cheeks for a few seconds and mumbling how worried she had been.

The reunion with Raven and Bellamy resulted in a few tears on Raven's part. She kept murmuring how sorry she was for not treating her right and how she understood that Clarke had only spared Finn a painful death by killing him. Bellamy told her his side of story of what happened in Mount Weather.

After a while, her mother came back in and send the two away for the day because she was of the opinion that Clarke needed to rest, even though she said she didn't feel tired.

When she was left alone again, she felt how her thoughts constantly traveled back to Lexa. She couldn't forget how peaceful the commander had looked when they had been alone in that car, and how it had made her feel to be this close to the other girl. Despite the pain in her leg, she ached for Lexa and her touch again. To see a smile on the usually stoic face had thrown her off and she could feel her feelings towards the grounder shift. She was no longer thinking of her as just a leader she needed to convince that death wasn't the only answer. Now she wanted to know more about her, she actually wanted to be part of her life. It scared her to think about Lexa this way, but hearing the girl saying out loud that she no longer thought of loving as a weakness had ignited a spark of hope in her. Maybe they could actually be something.. someday.

With that thought she let the exhaustion take over bones and gave in to a deep dreamless sleep.

 

The next two days passed without a visit from the commander. Octavia had mentioned that she had rode to Ton DC to hold a meeting with the other clan leaders, and Clarke's mood dropped for a bit until Monty and Jasper stormed into her tent. Seeing the two alive and with so much to tell almost made her forget about the mess inside her head. Almost.

As Octavia announced Lexa's return on the third evening, Clarke could no longer remain in bed. She'd gone through all the things she wanted to say too often, and had too often thought about what might happen when she finally laid eyes on the commander again.

Despite her mother's protest she managed to get herself out of bed, and with one of Raven's crutches she limped towards the tent of the grounder leader.

The guards let her pass through without a second look.

Lexa's back was turned, bent over maps on a table. Indra was standing next to her and stepped towards Clarke as she entered.

“It is good to see you on your feet again.” There was warmth Indra's voice that caught Clarke off guard. She had never expected to ever hear words with even just a bit of kindness in them from the grounder general.

With a nod Indra left the tent, leaving Clarke alone with Lexa who had lifted her head but was still facing away from her.

The silence between them was thick and made it hard for Clarke to breathe.

“Lexa.” Her voice was not nearly as strong as she had intended it to be.

The girl across the room turned slowly towards her. Even though they were meters apart, Clarke could make out a sadness in the eyes of the commander.

As she tried to make a step towards the brunette her crutch got caught on a rug which was laid out in the tent. She threatened to fall but Lexa rushed over to steady her and the crutch was the only thing that fell.

Lexa's grip around her forearms was strong but gentle.

“Sorry. Haven't found the hang of it yet. I don't know how Raven does it with those... ” Clarke had finally looked up, only to find her face was way too close to Lexa's. She could feel cheeks reddening at the intense stare of the other girl.

Lexa's hand let go of her arm to stroke a strand of hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear.

“Clarke.” Her voice was soft and completely different from her usual hard tone. Her hand was now cupping Clarke's cheek and she couldn't help but lean into the touch and close her eyes for a second. As she opened them again the look in Lexa's eyes had changed. They were no longer displaying sadness and insecurity but were now filled with trust and relief.

“I am so glad that you are alive.”

“Me too.” She could only whisper because of the overpowering feeling of Lexa's thumb slowly stroking across her cheek. With each touch her movements got closer to Clarke's mouth. Her heart was beating out of her chest and the moment she felt Lexa's finger running across her lips something in her snapped.

She closed the distance between them, crashing her lips onto Lexa's. For a moment the other girl was startled but then Clarke could feel the slow movement of Lexa's lips against her own. To pull her closer she brought her hands to her neck, burying her fingers in the brown hair as Lexa wrapped her arms around her waist.

They quickly ran out of breath and Clarke missed Lexa's lips as soon as they were no longer moving against hers.

Lexa pressed their foreheads together and she was glad that the other girl didn't break contact just yet.

“Lexa, I missed you the last three days. But every time I fell asleep I met you in my dreams. They are dreams again. I still see Finn, but they are no longer nightmares, thanks to you. And if we kept doing this, I could truly say that my life is now a dream.”

With every word that left Clarke's mouth she could see how Lexa's eyes changed. It was as if they lost their hardened and cold look and gave Lexa back the softness that Clarke had seen the night in the car.

“I am scared of what will happen. But when I feel your touch I feel a strength inside myself that I thought I had lost when they took Costia from me. Clarke, leader of the sky-people, I fear that I am already yours. Would you give me the honor of being mine?”

Clarke could feel her smile grow with Lexa's words.

“Lexa, commander of the twelve grounder clans. To hear that you are mine makes me incredibly happy. There is nothing I would rather be than yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions or questions or just want to yell at me, come talk to me on tumblr.   
> http://lilucath.tumblr.com


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